What a Fibro Flare-up feels like.

                I have more diagnosed medical conditions than I can count on two hands. A handful of them have symptoms that I deal with on a daily basis: Asthma, G.E.R.D/Hiatus Hernia/Schiatzki’s Ring, HFI (I will go into further details on a future post), endometriosis and fibromyalgia. This week though, I experienced the worse Fibromyalgia flare-up to date. It’s one of those scenarios where when I didn’t think it could get any worse, it proved me wrong.

                Many of you have probably had one of those brutal flus that knock you out for the count for the better part of week (at least); you know the one where your whole body aches so much and you’re nauseous, feverish and weak. A fibro flare-up, at least for me, has that kind of pain. A deep in your bones, furious pain that is generally resistant against pain remedies. This current flare-up is so fierce I had burning, tingling pain from the tips of my fingers, shoulders, along my back, into my hips and down to the balls of my feet. Even the action of carrying a mug of tea across the room was painful. There were a couple evenings when the pain seemed to burrow deep into my hands and forearms, and using them for any movements inflicted lasting, gnawing pain.

                Of course, with the flu, rest is needed and sleep is <for the most part> easier to come by because of the fatigue. With fibromyalgia, no matter how extremely fatigued I feel, despite feeling as though I could sleep for days, it’s next to impossible. This is mainly because it’s the evening and late hours of the night when the symptoms amplify. It takes me hours to fall asleep on evenings where my symptoms are subdued. During a flare-up? I’m likely to start dozing off when the sun starts to rise. Quite the vicious cycle because really, how am I to have the energy to tackle chores, jobs…life, if I am walking around half dazed?

                Not only is the lack of sleep to blame here but also the treacherous Fibro Fog that takes ‘Dazed and Confused’ to a whole new level. Completely unfocused, forgetful, disinterested…blank. The fog combined with the fatigue is enough to diminish my creative flow or simply that zest, and leaves me feeling as though I’m simply going through the motions instead of having the energy and drive to accomplish all I hope to each day, week and month.

                Of course there’s also the fever and sensory sensitivity, neither of which are any kind of fun.  

                As you can imagine, with the pain, fatigue and the fog – a serious triple threat: Fibromyalgia affects every aspect of my life. Work: most days I manage to do what it takes to get through hour by hour, shift by shift, day by day. Many Fibro suffers can no longer work; I am fortunate to still have a job and am grateful that my job is not physically strenuous. As it stands, this current flare up has me worried as it’s the first one that has caused me to miss a few days of work. Naturally, I am concerned. Are things progressing/worsening with my Fibromyalgia symptoms? If so, what then?

                I can’t worry about what may happen in the future. All I can do is take each day as it comes and do the best I can. As many of us face our own daily battles, I leave you with this S.C. Lourie quote: Sometimes, just getting up and facing another day is courage enough.

                                                Be well, friends. Gentle Fibro Hugs to all of you.

     Likely apparent by my lack of presence here or on twitter (where I often chirp about writing accomplishments, curiosities etc. There has not been any lately - hence the absence): it's been a slow moving summer with regards to progress of any kind with my writing. Surprisingly, not because of the weather. To be honest, even that would serve as a decent reason, considering Vancouver has just experienced one of the best summers in a long, long time; definitely one of the driest. The beautiful, warm sunny days haven't been to blame for my word drought, though the major brick wall I arrived at during my editing proved to be nearly unsurpassable. I couldn't wander around it, I couldn't dig my way under it, nor could I scale it and jump over it. I was officially stuck.

     With the hopes of becoming unstuck, this past weekend I spent an afternoon surrounded by the talented writer's of RWA-GVC (Romance Writer's of America Greater Vancouver Chapter) who shared their experiences and advice regarding these setbacks. The meeting included many useful and informative workshops, for me the most useful (given my current state of limbo) was that given by Kate Austin on the 'ABCs of Revisions'. I found comfort in knowing that I haven't completely embarked on an impossible journey. Just because my feet seem to be stuck in concrete at the moment, doesn't mean I am forever stopped in my tracks along this road to publication.

     During Kate's workshop, I breathed a sigh of relief. Many writer's, even published ones, reach moments during editing that cause persuasive doubt.

     I reached a moment like this, with editing Tumble Into Me. While working in the much needed transitions between my scenes, I have woven in way more words than are ever needed into this or any other contemporary romance. Knowing this caused further dread with regards to editing because it was suddenly appearing endless. I could no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel. Soon I felt like I was doing this for nothing; that no matter how much time I put toward editing, I would never reach the finish line, and that thought is what stopped my progress for taking even one more step towards it.

     Now I am starting to envision that path again. It is much longer and windier than I have previously thought BUT now I think I know what I have to do to move forward. I need to start back at the beginning. Scene by scene, chapter by chapter, I need to remove most of what I have added during this editing pass. The story never needed more scenes, nor did it require more characters; it needs complete transitions in order for Tumble Into Me to flow properly for future readers. I'd do well to remember this!

     I also have to remind myself to take time during editing to keep my muse inspired by continuing to write creatively and read for pleasure: both to keep the inspiration and motivation alive. So while I am about to retrace my steps, I am eager to restart from the beginning with these and the ABCs of revisions at hand. Wish me luck! :)

    

           At the end of June and into early July, I entered my first two contests for writing romance. Today I received the results back from one of them. To make a long story short, I didn't score as a finalist. The information stung a little, I won't lie. Thankfully, even though contestants generally enter competitions to win, this is one kind of contest where losing isn't a complete loss nor indicative of an utter failure. 

          In an event of a dismal loss, I was counting on some direct, constructive feedback from the judges as my consolation prize. The judges, comprised of a group of agents, editors and published authors, complete a detailed score-card that gives a breakdown of categories such as characters, setting, voice, conflict, mechanics, and so on. Included in my 'thanks for trying' email, are three of the judges score cards for my entry: then known Going for Gold (now as Tumble Into Me). 

          The results of my three score cards, each marked out of 100 possible points, vary quite interestingly. Two of the judges comments are similar, while the results of the third one differs and is less positive. Upon scrolling down my entry towards the scorecard, I have one of those 'can't look' moments. As in, since I didn't qualify for the next round, I was anticipating depressing scores. Surprisingly, before I reached the results of my first scoring, the judge left some comments and some tips: really positive comments I might add (which I'll circle back to in a moment). In any case, I found myself immediately relieved and willing to face the scores. 

          From the results, my strengths are character (18/20), dialogue (14/15 - with remarks about watching out for dialogue tags) and setting (9/10) - these are areas I do feel comfortable and somewhat confident in so I found this reassuring. I received average results on conflict (7/10). I'm really pleased to have scored 16/20 on style/voice and that the judge felt that my writer's voice was 'unique, enjoyable and flows smoothly at a good pace', that she'd like to see more emotional responses, and to be careful of the occasional 'head-hopping'. Lower points were given for opening/hook (something I'm continuing working to improve) with a score of 3/5. Mechanics, which includes grammar, punctuation and POV received the lowest at 2/5. While this is surprising to me: I've never received negative marks on grammar and punctuation, it's generally a strong suit of mine, this does remind me of areas to be mindful of. Out of a possible 100 points, this judge gave me 78! Phew! Not as bad as I feared. Then again, I am not sure if that is considered quite low in the scheme of the contest results, but it's a number I can swallow. 
     *NOTE: I really enjoyed the story. It’s a lovely premise and I’d love to read more and find out about Julia and Liam. Your dialogue is snappy and fits the country. Good job. I really like Liam – a lot. He’s the sort of kind, caring, hot, hunk of a guy we’d all like to fall in love with. They both have enough secrets that it makes the reader curious and dying to learn more about how they’ve come to be together in this far away land. You’re right, there is definitely something hot about a Scottish accent. Good luck with your story.

          The second score was even better! I earned 83/100! I got flying colours on character (20/20) &  dialogue (15/15) and for style/voice I achieved 19/20! I couldn't happier! Some of the other scoring are alike but the mechanics one - the one about grammar and punctuation and POV and previously earned the surprising 2/5... I earned 5/5! On one hand, I am feel redeemed, that I do have a relatively clear understanding about grammar and punctuation and that my POVs are clear. Like everyone, I'm not perfect, run-on sentences sneak in here or there, as well as a purposeful fragment of a sentence (to help establish perhaps the characters internal response, or mood or such). As I am in an editing draft, any areas where the POV seems unclear, I do take time to go through entire scenes or chapters if needed and make sure the switch is clear. 

          On the other hand, now that I have two different points and comments on the mechanics portion, how can I tell which one I should...heed? Not only that, these two judges had exactly the opposite to say about the storyline/plot: one saying how they love how 'they both have enough secrets to keep the reader curious and leaves them dying to know why/how they come together in this far away land'. The 2nd judge asked 'why is she in Scotland to begin with? Might be nice to indicate this from the start'. This is a purposeful decision on my part and I feel the first judge/reader has the response I would hope for - they are intrigued, curious and want to know more. Again, I am left with two opposing reactions ( which realistically would be what different readers may have). What better way than to see 'where the majority is', then to see what the third judge had to say?

          As mentioned, my third and final score card had a less than favourable score (imho); possibly because I was feeling content and encouraged with the scoring of the first two. The comments are exactly what an aspiring author wants and needs: praise for areas that work great and what areas need extra attention (and in some cases suggestions of where to look for examples of how to improve these). My third score was a whopping, wait for it - 59! Where both previous judges scored similarly, this judge rated the same category drastically lower, ending with comment that 'overall the entry was average.' Don't get me wrong, this judge did also include constructive comments highlighting points she liked and suggested areas to look at for improvements. All of which I will take in to serious consideration. I want my story to succeed, and to do that I need to accept areas of weakness in order to learn what it takes to improve them!
          I know this is the first of many forms of feedback I will get going forward. Readers may or may not like my story, judges may or may not get it, and agents may or may not want it. This is the first in receiving this type of feedback on my story. All I can do is learn from the comments and hopefully find a way to determine which comments/suggestions to work on and which to let slide - as I've found out before, contradicting feedback is enough to make my head spin. If any writer's out there have developed a way to weed through the positives and negatives and select what truly will work to improve the novel, and how to avoid listening to feedback that may not be right for YOUR project, please, please...share!

          I am a avid reader and a romance writer, but one thing that is becoming abundantly clear as I continue down this Road to Publication, is I am not an editor.
          This is something I am learning the more I work at this 'aspiring author' dream of mine.
          What's interesting to me about this particular realization is that, an editor was something I had on the list of interesting and possible careers choices while growing up. I always have loved reading and often, easily zero in on errors in already published works, and would think to myself: I could do that job. It's not that I can't edit. I enjoy the editing, as I am writing the story and rewrite and improve on the interactions, details and pace of my scenes.
          Perhaps if my interest is primarily editing, then it wouldn't feel like such a tediously monumental and endless task. As I try to edit the first draft of my current manuscript, Tumble Into Me, I find myself really begrudging this task as it pulls me away from what I really love: writing. I feel as though precious time I could be spend meeting new characters and developing their stories, is drained by the necessary time spent editing, and re-editing this draft.
          What's most frustrating is, the further along I get in the editing process of this novel, the more words I've added, while I work in much needed transitions (the bain of my 'editorial' existence). When all is said and done, I will need to do another edit of this draft, to scale back down all this extra girth. The idea of getting though to the end of this editing pass, only to have to start back into it, leaves me grimacing. I'm not sure I can withstand another jaunt through that jungle. "Suck it up" right? If I want to turn 'aspiring author' into 'published author' - I have to do what I gotta do, I know that. It's just, when something begins to feel forced, the interest tends to wander and what could wind up suffering is the end result of the project itself. I don't want that.
          Another realization has come out of this editing process, and that is, as a hopeful soon-to-be-published author *fingers crossed*, there are many avenues a writer might choose from, to share their words with the world: some may choose self-publishing, perhaps as online formats, others might choose indie publishers or aim for the big publishing houses. One thing is very clear to me: I don't think I would make it far as a self-published author. Why? Because of how much more editing is required. It's true that some people self-published imperfect, error-laden works, we've all seen them in one format or another, and while that's okay for them, it wouldn't be okay for me; and by no means am I a perfectionist!
          I am a reader, first and foremost, and as a reader, I know when I stumble across typos and obvious grammatical no-nos, it snags my attention, even if momentarily. But it is noticed. It briefly takes my attention from the story line and I wouldn't want that for my readers. I much rather them stay captivated with the story, and not distracted by errors which were overlooked.
          What this means is, when the time comes to query (soon, very soon!) and hopefully connect with someone interested in my romance stories, I will hope to establish a great author/agent relationship as well as, wait for it...an editor! That sounds like a dream team to me. 

          What are some of your experiences or realizations of editing, perhaps tips to overcome the tediousness of it and somehow reach the end, I'd love to hear them all!

                I’m thirty four years old and I have just purchased my first, shiny new bicycle – ever. Let me clarify: yes, I have ridden a bike before, usually by borrowing a friends or perhaps utilizing a rental shop. Twice in my thirty four years, I even had use of a bike for a few months, but I won’t quite say owned; let me explain. The first one, was over a summer way back in fourth grade, My dad brought me a bike to ride for the summer while I'd at least be in the same province. It was green and sparkly and yes, had tassels from the handles: I loved it to pieces. I didn’t get to keep it, as was the fate of most of my belongings growing up.

                That’s what happens when you move across country twice a year, every year, until sixth grade. I have actually been to fourteen schools in total, and I am not part of a military family. After an unfortunate subway accident, my mom’s mom had to move into an assisted living home, near Scarborough, Ontario. My mother hated the winters in Ontario – period. Despite the fact that I was born in Scarborough on the wicked wintery December 31st, ever since I was perhaps two and a half, we had never experienced another Ontario winter. We ditched the East for beautiful British Columbia.

                See, herein lies the makings of a rather mobile childhood. For the next nine years, objects, places, and people were sadly, all temporary. That included the best of childhood friends and unpackable prize possessions such as a shiny green bike.

                The next time I had a bicycle to use somewhat regularly, wasn’t until my high school years, around the end of ninth grade and into the summer towards tenth. It was belonged to my moms boyfriend who told me it had been sitting unused in his garage forever. Yes, it was a boys bike and it was too big for me, but that didn’t stop me. I rode it anyway, because I love riding bikes. I'd ride from Metrotown in Burnaby, down to Canada Games Pool in New Westminster and back. I’d ride through Central park and along the nice bike trails beneath the Skytrain. All the while enjoying rolling through the city with the breeze in my hair. Up until the unfortunate day it was stolen. Not going to lie, I was pretty upset and angry over the loss of that bike, despite its ill fittings. I was too busy enjoying the ride to let size matter.

                Financial restrictions prevented me from getting a new one or even a used one for that matter. If we couldn't afford a two bedroom apartment, or a car or a phone (at times we were using a payphone), we certainly couldn't afford to get me a bicycle. After I graduated high school - Class of '97 thank you very much - I worked four different jobs at once, barely came up for air! I began saving up for a trip to Australia and for post-secondary school. I was busy as hell, but things were good. Until I got hit by a car, ‘Pedstruck’ as they call it. Pretty badly too. I was off work for ten months recovering from a seriously broken right leg, as well as damaged (snapped) Medial Collateral Ligaments, twisted Anterior Cruciate and more.

                During physical therapy, there are sports and activities that doctors recommend for low impact exercise, like swimming. Cycling is not one of them.  

                Today, however, I purchased MY first ever, brand new, comfort ride bicycle, Sanctuary 7 by Schwinn. It's Mine! And it is beautiful – I already had a few compliments on my way home - and it is a comfortable ride. After one ‘test ride’ though, as I brought my bicycle home, I sit on my sofa typing this and already I feel the aggravation of the ligaments in my right knee. Vaguely I can hear the voice of my physiotherapist and doctors advising against cycling, and can't stop the frown. I want be able to experience the enjoyment of cycling again. Hopefully if I am mindful and don’t overdo it, I will be able to minimize any pains and strains. As I have no intentions of scaling mountains, but wish to cycle the sea wall and along city trails, to get outdoors more and more active too. I am hoping there will be no regrets. Here’s hoping!