Last October I attended the Surrey International Writer's Conference - SIWC, with the hopes I would find some answers to why this might be a consistent roadblock for me and what I can do to overcome this. I don't feel this is a case of writer's block, per say - though who am I to say it isn't. While, I didn't find clear, concise answers or resolutions, I did confirm that I really do want to be a published author one day. To do that though, I still need to conquer this beast. Determined, I decidedly reduced my socializing, reduced my tv watching, and kept moving forward a page and a chapter at a time. Insisting that THIS time, it will be different. This time, because I want this more than ever before, I can get to the end of Gold and get one step closer to making this dream of mind come true.
I currently have at least seven works in progress, four including my current Going for Gold that are quite literally inches from the finish line, three more that are halfway through, awaiting their turns, and also have ideas for another four or five that keep distracting from the sidelines. I want more than anything to see all of these through to the end.
I've been steadily moving toward the ending of Gold for a while, editing in transitions and character traits / habits and the likes. I really thought I had the reigns and that everything was under control. Then, my interest waivered. I didn't want to look at my MS/WIP and suddenly found interest in almost anything else: removing cat hair from my area rugs? Sure! Suddenly, I had jumped miles ahead of myself and began envisioning future problems: worrying about not being able to finish the second and third books in the series in a timely manner that would meet requirements. Really? How about worrying about finishing this damn book already! The cart before the horse predicament - I had it polished! I was talking myself out of this before it got started.
The thing is, I hadn't even recognized the signs that my same ol' long time problem was rearing its ugly head once again. It wasn't until lunch at Greater Vancouver Chapter meeting of the Romance Writer's of America (RWAGVC), when someone asked me "Are you afraid of failure?" to which I had answered honestly: No. I feel confident that my stories will be well received. I'm confident in my writing and in my characters. She then asked me, quite pointedly, "Then, why are you afraid to succeed?"
Nothing has given me more to mull over than that short question. IS this my problem? If so, how do I far that head on? How do I climb over it so I can accomplish all that I hope to? Something tells me she was quite on point, though I am not sure why. And if I'm honest, I think this bleeds into other areas of my life. I think it's time to do some soul searching. If anyone has also dealt with these times of blocks and has suggestions of how to overcome them, I would very much love to hear them.